I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
