I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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