yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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