Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
