I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
