I can text with my tongue
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
