can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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