im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
