Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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