Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
