yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
