i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
