I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
