There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
