i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize