id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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