Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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