I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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