Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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