HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
