I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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