This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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