the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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