i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
