Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
