If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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