that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
