eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
