so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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