I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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