I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
