You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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