I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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