dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
