So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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