I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
