I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
