come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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