Just fell off a train. Bad.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
