Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
