question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
