shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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