Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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