Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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