So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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