I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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