I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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