I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
