I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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