the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
