I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
