I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
