it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
