Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
