and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
