Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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