Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a beard to bite.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
