dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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