Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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