Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize