I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
