you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
