Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
