he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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