Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will be naked everywhere
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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