Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
